044. TEN people you'd like to slap upside the head

1. A one Joseph Whedon -- he took my children from me and accused me of being a bad parent. I am not a bad mother, in fact, I'm a wonderful mother. Since when does working equate poor quality?
2. Joe's scumbag lawyer -- how DARE you. Just how DARE you take them away from me.
3. Rebecca Harper -- she kissed my husband, which escalated the deterioration of my already incredibly fragile marriage. Oh, she's also my father's illegitimate daughter. That should be reason enough.
4. Holly Harper -- I'm still not over this witch of a woman being the bane of my existence.
5. Paula -- my husband's ex wife...now girlfriend. That really should be enough reason.
6. Kitty -- she's PREGNANT and DID NOT call me FIRST. So much for that sisterly bonding crap. I mean, really, she should have called me.
7. Tommy -- for leaving me at Ojai to work with Holly. HOLLY.
8. Uncle Saul -- sometimes I'd love to just slap him upside the head and call it a days work.
9. Dad -- for too many reasons to list.
10. Any one who wrote character references for Joe -- Because he was planning this...for a month...and those references got my children taken away.

To be honest I never really figured myself for the blogging type, it seems more like something Kitty would enjoy. However, here I am. Sarah Walker Whedon: Blogger. Well, technically I'm a baby blogger...or newbie? Noob? N00B? I don't understand internet lingo and I won't pretend to. I think the entire point of this incredibly disjointed few-sentences-turned-paragraph is to say that I have a blog and I'm new at blogging, obviously.

With that out of the way I suppose you might want to get to know a bit about me. Sarah W. Whedon is what it says on my business card. My father was William Walker, formerly of Ojai Foods until he passed away suddenly last year and left me in charge. I grew up in a large family of five children, me being the oldest and my baby brother Justin taking up the rear. I have my own family to go home to at the end of the day my two children, Paige and Cooper, as well as my soon-to-be-ex-husband Joe.

You may have heard my little sister Kitty on the radio or more recently on Red, White, & Blue, spouting off the great and magnificent things our current administration is doing for the world. Being a Republican aside she's funny and a great listener and an easy target...but then again all younger siblings are for the oldest. If you need entertainment come over around dinner time, you're sure to catch one of the infamous Nora-Kitty fights. Currently she's engaged to Senator McCallister. Yes, that, Senator McCallister.

There's Kevin, the lawyer. Never tell anything to Kevin you don't want to get out to Mom or Kitty within the next fifteen minutes. True story.

Tommy, who I've come to admire greatly over the past year, is the blue collar guy. He's worked from the ground up at Ojai and does a great job at what he does. I'm very proud of him. He and his wife Julia just made me an Auntie for the first time.

Justin, the baby of the family, and the best Paige shot giver that there is. While Justin may be my baby brother he is surely a hero to me. Earlier this week he returned back home from a tour in the Middle East. He's incredibly brave and I'm so glad to have him home safe and sound.

And then there's our mother, Nora. I told her last year that she rocks and I meant it, completely. She may be flighty amongst other things, but at the end of the day she's the greatest mom and grandmother that I know of.

The newest addition (and not my new little niece) is my illegitimate, loose sister Rebecca. I really don't have much to say about her that doesn't involve the words conniving, bitch, or any other nasty four letter word that I can think of. Let's just leave it at that, shall we?

As for this blogging entry, I really think it's about time for it to end. I've rambled on enough about my family and I'm sure I could just continue to talk about them if I'm allowed…which I am, seeing as this is *my* blog

There is so much in life that we can't control like the weather or who your parents are. And then there are things that you think you can control and when you can't it's all the more devestating. It's all the more heart breaking and it can tear you in two, ripping your heart out and stomping all over it as if it doesn't matter at all. And the worst part? I can't stop it. I can't control it. Maybe it's all my fault. Maybe I've caused everything to be so chaotic in my life right now.

Two weeks ago everything was fine, everyone was happy. How quickly this all can change and how quickly that feeling of absolute bliss can fade into a horrifying feeling of loneliness and hopelessness.

It's bruised and in more than one way I've become my father.

I just want to fix this and I don't know how. I feel like I'm drowning.

I want my life back. I want someone to tell me what to do and how to fix this. I want to stop feeling like a stranger in my own home...in my marriage. I want to feel like I know my husband again. I want to be excited. I want to talk with my husband.

Does he even want any of the same things anymore?

Sarah Whedon was hungry and her brother had mysteriously disappeared, which meant she was on her own. She glanced up from her work to look at a picture of her family and then she smiled. It was the perfect plan, go grab their favorite sandwiches at the market and surprise them at home. So instead of continuing to look at the numbers for the winery that Tommy and Holly so wanted her to purchase she’d go home and relax a bit with her husband and her kids. Who knows, maybe their positive energy would transfer over to her and she desperately needed it; especially after Valentine’s Day and the bomb her brother dropped on her.

So, after she picked up sandwiches and salads and drinks at the market she headed home. Parking in the drive way she grabbed the various bags and headed up to the house. She stopped short when she heard an unfamiliar voice amongst Cooper’s giggles. As she opened the door she furrowed her brow and couldn’t hold a smirk back at the two people amidst the pushed back furniture. A few more seconds and she recognized the voice and laughed, Is that Richard Simmons?

I could not be more mortified.

If I find "it" on the internet ANYWHERE...I will not be above resorting to murder. I don't care if I'm related to you, I *will* kill you.

I couldn't figure out why everyone was looking at my breasts...I blame this all on Joe. The close ups on my breasts were unnecessary.

And for the record, once again, it's *not* funny. I had to spend the entire night with my head down so I could avoid awkward stares from men who I've known since I was a little kid and people I didn't even know.

Oh, and by the way, The Senator? So. Totally. Hot.

Wow. Kitty...it's kind of insane.

But really, he's not as cute as my guitar playing, song writing, dress up playing, flannel wearing, plaid loving, Vanessa filrting, husband.

Look what I got from a little website called E! Online...maybe you guys will make Us Weekly? Now that would be exciting.

Great hair Kitty, it looks great. And nice arm candy, he's a total babe, so hot. What's he like in bed? I'm curious.

Senator McCallister is hot...and not just for a Republican...for a human being.

It's been a while since I've written in here and this past week has been...special, I think is a good word for it.

First of all, Kevin and Kitty fought...and they never fight, I mean...never. I mean, I wasn't there so I'm not a witness or anything but I heard from Kitty so that's good enough. About the Republican Senator guy, none-the-less. McCallister. He's pretty hot.

Anyways, then there's Holly Harper, the bane of my existence. She comes sauntering into my office demanding an office of her own and when I tell her no she offers to sell her stock to a competitor. Then some how Mom comes in and demands an office of her own...needless to say I put them both in one office. Then there's the disaster that was the board meeting and to be honest I'd rather not go into that.

And, Gabe. I love him just as much as I love my own two children and he can disappoint me and frustrate me just as much as they can and I don't think I've ever been as disappointed with anyone as I was with Gabe when I found the vodka. He did it infront of Paige nonetheless. And then it just blew up with Joe. It was exactly what used to happen but the other way around. I could barely sleep next to him that night, but after "family day" (aka family hell) we cleared things up and now Gabe hates both of us.

Paige is nagging at me for a bed time story, so Kitty I'll call you tomorrow. Joe? See you in a few.

Why not? Those are all doable.

Why Mommy is a Democrat

A perfect book for my children! I mean, maybe Why Aunt Kitty is Crazy would have also been appropriate, but I like this one.

Needless to say I'm very, very amused.

Small Christmas update: Kitten is at Mom's...I know Paige will *not* want to go to Mom's tomorrow if she gets the kitten here, so kitten will be given to Paige at Mom's so you all get to see her little face when she sees it. And, yes, we will be making the trek to Mom's...AFTER we open all of our presents and make the obligatory phone call to Joe's parents...one day we're going to have to spend Christmas or Thanksgiving with the Whedon's and I can already see Mom's face...it's so scary.

That's all from me, I've got a bunch more wrapping to do and then I need to start the cooking...if only Cooper would stop singing my life would be made. At least he knows more of certain songs than he did before.

Give Sarah love @ The Holiday Meme of Lurve!

Holly Harper needs to move far far away from my family. She's like the plague. As soon as you think you're rid of her and start to rejoice, she finds a way to weasel her way back in. Not only has she managed to weasel her way back into my life, she's managed to weasel her way into Ojai. That....woman now has a say in what happens in my father's company. I'm so angry and bitter I can't even think straight.

Now on an entirely different subject...my kids. Little Chicken (aka. Paige. aka. my 40 year old in an 8 year old body) decided to check out her Jewish heritage and, since I know virtually nothing about it, I made the mistake of taking her to Mom's. First of all Mom almost blew the cover off of Santa. And then she decided to take Paige under her wing and give her lessons in being Jewish. Thankfully, Daddy came to the rescue for her during Mom's recital of the Books of Maccabee. Poor kiddo. Mom threw this entire party for Paige and she just felt overwhelmed and Mom couldn't understand why Paige wasn't down there eating latke and lighting the menorah. Joe surprised me and stood up to Mom and told her to back off. Mom was pretty...horrified, I think. But Paige came through like she always does. And then earlier today, before the tree lighting, she asked if she'd been bad and if that's why she got her diabetes. I think my heart just...broke for her. When I told her she just has to have faith, she said that she has faith that she'll get better. Which broke me more. It's so hard to love someone so much and watch them go through this. But Paige will be fine. She'll fight, like those in her family do, and one day she'll see how amazing she truly is. That kitten is totally hers.

Then there's my little man, Cooper. Cooper...loves Christmas songs. He loves to sing them over and over and over and over and over and over again. And he only knows two of them. Noel and the little boy version of Jingle Bells. He is, without a doubt, his father's son.

And Mom. Mom over does. Mom is a classic case of an overachiever. And that's really all I'll say about that, you're all related to her in some way, fashion, or form...you all know and have seen evidence of her fanaticness.

To: Big Daddy (guitarguy@gmail.com)
From: Sarah Whedon (sarah.whedon@ojaifoods.com)
Subject: December 31st - January 4th

Don't schedule any lessons. Or anything else for that matter.

-S

I love the internet.

My son is in deep trouble. My son is a little mischief maker if I've ever seen one. When I got to work this morning I didn't realize I had a little friend with me

I found this in my jacket pocket when I put it on when I got to work.

That would be Hammy, Paige's little hamster. I should have known Coop was up to something this morning when he gave me an extra long hug and then just smiled the imfamous "I've done something devious and you're going to be mad later" Walker smile. I should have figured. And you might want to know how I know it's Cooper? It has to have been Cooper because Paige has been very good about taking excellent care to Hammy, even though I told her no to the kitten.

Joe, want to come pick up Hammy?

Joe? Is there something you'd like to tell me?



Nice hair, cowboy.

Paige screwed up her face in the full-length mirror and ran a hand down the front of her green jumper dress, normally reserved for nice dinner occasions, but brought out for this "date" with Joe, Mommy, is my dress wrinkled? Sarah looked up from brushing Paige's hair and shook her head, You look beautiful, Little Chicken. Paige smiled, Will Daddy like it? Sarah smiled at that and nodded, Daddy's going to think you're the most beautiful girl in the world. Paige shook her head in disagreement, Not more beautiful than you, Mom. Sarah smirked at that and continued brushing Paige's hair, Okay, little girl, all done. She turned Paige around and looked her up and down before nodding in approval. She held up a finger and turned around, opening her make up drawer. Paige's eyes widened as she stood on her tip toes to try and see what her mother was getting out of the drawer. Sarah turned around with a very light lip gloss in her hands, Just for tonight, okay? She gently spread the gloss over Paige's lips and the little girls tongue darted out to taste the gloss, It tastes like strawberries. Sarah chuckled and nodded, Yes, but don't eat it okay? Paige bobbed her head to try and see into the drawer as Sarah put back the gloss, Can I wear anything else? Sarah shook her head and closed the drawer, Not until you're fifteen okay? Then we'll talk about it again. Paige nodded, not willing to argue with her mother. Sarah stood up and smoothed a hand over her hair, Ready to go? Paige nodded and turned to examine her face in the mirror. I'll be down in a second. Sarah watched Paige for one more moment before heading downstairs and moving into the kitchen to start on dinner for herself and Cooper.

70-100 mile per hour winds today in Southern California. The Santa Anas have struck! Cooper, as usual, loves them and likes that its an excuse to cling to Mommy or Daddy on the way to the car and scream "HELP ME! I'M GETTING BLOWN AWAY!". This does not amuse Paige who doesn't like that the wind pushes her around.

Kitty, did you spend the night in bed with Mom?